Absence makes the heart grow stronger
Missing Tangsuyuk (탕수육)
About two months ago, GS Superstore stopped making tangsuyuk (탕수육). Tangsuyuk is Korean-style Chinese food. It’s usually deep fried pork in a sweet and sour sauce with vegetables added as well. It was my go-to food when I was feeling lazy or needed some calories after a long bike ride. It was in the prepared food section which means that it is already cooked and ready to be eaten. I think you’re supposed to warm it up, but I like to eat it cold. They replaced it with “pizza tangsuyuk.” It was ok, but I don’t crave it like the original. Well, today I went to the store to get some vegetables and they have the original tangsuyuk again! It’s true that absence makes the heart grow fonder. I’m glad I was wearing a mask because I was smiling like an idiot at the store when I saw it.
Meaning
Absence makes the heart grow fonder is mostly used in regard to people. It means that being away from someone makes you love them even more. Absence means that they are not with you. The heart has always been a symbol of affection. So, if it becomes (grows) fonder, it means that you have more affection for that person or thing.
Example: I have travelled all over the world in the past year, but absence makes the heart grow stronger. I miss my hometown.
Origin
Absence makes the heart grow fonder is an old proverb. The idea behind it has been around for even longer. Most sources trace the origin of today’s proverb to the Roman poet, Sextus Propertius (50 BC – 15 BC). He wrote, “Always toward absent lovers love’s tide stronger flows.” However, the modern version of the phrase dates to 1832. In The Pocket Magazine of Classic and Polite Literature, Miss Stickland writes, “Tis absence, however, that makes the heart grow fonder.”
Does absence really make the heart grow fonder?
I should note that there are two types of absence we associate with this phrase. Time and space can keep us separated from the people we care about. So, according to today’s phrase, if you haven’t talked to someone in a long time, you will be fonder of them. Also, if you are physically far away from them, you will also miss them.
According to research, absence really does make the heart grow stronger. A study looked at phone data from a European country from 2007 to analyze the frequency and duration of phone calls. They found that people spent more time talking on the phone if there was a longer time since their last phone call. Jiang and Hancock found that people in long distance relationships have a closer relationship. They are more open and have deeper conversations.
Humans aren’t the only animal for which the proverb is true. It has been observed that many social creatures show more affection to individuals they haven’t seen for an extended period. For example, greeting behavior in elephants is more elaborate after a long time apart. In a study on voles, researchers found a chemical responsible for feeling depressed when your mate is absent. Voles seem to be more affected by this than humans, but it led to new medicine being created to block those bad feelings of loneliness. What do you think about taking a drug for loneliness? Is it better to feel lonely because it makes your relationship stronger?
See Also: Love language, Regards, It's a small world
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Reference:
https://www.technologyreview.com/2016/08/09/158424/data-mining-reveals-first-evidence-that-absence-really-does-make-the-heart-grow-fonder/
https://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/absence-makes-the-heart-grow-fonder.html
https://literarydevices.net/absence-makes-the-heart-grow-fonder/
arxiv.org/abs/1608.01842: Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder: Social Compensation When Failure To Interact Risks Weakening A Relationship
Moss and J. Poole, “Relationships and social structure of african elephants,” Primate social relationships: An integrated approach, pp. 315–325, 1983
Crystal Jiang, L., & Hancock, J. T. (2013). Absence makes the communication grow fonder: Geographic separation, interpersonal media, and intimacy in dating relationships. Journal of Communication, 63(3), 556–577. https://doi.org/10.1111/jcom.12029
https://latimesblogs.latimes.com/unleashed/2008/10/scientists-have.html